Words

Dalam kekalutan hidup, adakah yang bisa dilakukan selain berserah pada Nya?

 

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Seandainya…

Seandainya kita saling mengerti, mungkin kesalahpahaman tidak akan terjadi. Kesalahpahaman dalam memahami sesuatu. Kesalahan dalam menggunakan kacamata untuk menguraikan benang kusut ini.

Jangan jangan, apa yang sedang kita lalui ini hanyalah sebuah kepura puraan demi mendapatkan sesuatu? Apakah itu? Pengakuankah? Kebaikankah? Kebersamaankah?

Aku pun tak tahu.

Hati hati dalam menginginkan sesuatu. Barangkali hal itu bukannya sebenar benarnya hal yang kamu inginkan. Barangkali itu bukan tujuan mu yang sebenarnya. Hanya karena kamu mendengar suara yang lebih nyaring, perhatianmu teralihkan untuk mencapai apa yang kamu tuju.

Apa yang sudah ditetapkan tidak mungkin berubah. Nikmati, hayati. Nikmati, hayati demi kehendak-Nya.

Apalah artinya mengejar sesuatu tanpa memaknai? Apalah artinya kefanaan ini tanpa keabadian? Perasaan was was menghantui, takut akan kehilangan.

Satu yang kubutuhkan, kedamaian atas cinta-Nya.

Karena sungguh bukan dunia tujuanku. Pintaku, kuatkanlah langkah kaki kami. Sungguh, kami merindu.

 

What 2017 had taught me?

Finally, it is now 2018. Should I celebrate this new beginning? Is this even a beginning? I do not know. In my mind, everyday is a new beginning and it suits well with a phrase “diet starts tomorrow”. And yeah, I treat 1st January just like any other day. Nothing special. But the things that makes it different this year is that I am older. Everyday I am getting older, but this point makes me realize that I should have been better especially with my new profession that it needs me to be a role model. This is the least that I can do to create a better world whenever I am possible to do that.

And I need to be good. I have to be good to make world a better place, for my students and my children in the future.

~~~~~

So what 2017 means to me? A lot. I experienced many things and from that I learned many things. If 2016 taught me for standing up on my own feet that automatically strengthen my belief to practice my religion wholeheartedly. 2017 was year of testing my ability to be grateful, to be grown up where I need to accept what is being destined to me. I was in search for an answer, what is people look for in life? It is like people are competing together and I am just seclude myself and busy with my own world. I don’t know, it is just I want to at peace by being on my own, on my own track so I can enjoy life better. So, in case to make it happen, I devote myself to fix myself. I devote myself to better in front of Him, though I am still far from being the best version of myself. But it is the effort that counts.

First ten months in my new job, it was and it is an adjustment in welcoming new world. I never thought that I will end up here. The adjustment itself is kind of rough. I am on denial, which is currently getting less and less, almost all the time and it is precisely the same with what happened on my sophomore on my first degree. Lesson learned and it is obvious that life is never truly works the way we wants, at least in my cases. I wrote somewhere, I will share it to you when the time comes, that I always give space for life to surprise me. Surprise in a way that I never thought before and this is the way Allah works. He testing and surprising. He wants to see how far we have gone in life and it does not depend on how old we are. It is just a matter of perspective. And I am establishing the perspective all the time to keep me positive.

Realise it or not, there are things we cannot control. Calamities might happen all of sudden. But, we have Allah who are controlling our life and He never leaves us even in a second. It was hard to understand this when I was in elementary school, but as the things getting rough as an adult, I realize I cannot rely myself to anyone but Him. There is no chance for you to stick to human, because we are in the same level. We are human being anyway.

“Don’t fear, I am with you.” – Qur’an 20:46

To sum up, 2017 was a year of travelling, both fun and serious, just like previous years. 2017 was about gratitude and acceptance. There will always space to be grateful when you want to look for it. Being enough is enough. I cannot imagine if I have to face worse things, instead I choose to be grateful. I can see my parents everyday. I have a chance to see my friends and met new inspiring figures while busy working. I can do my daily prayers in peace without hearing the bombing sound. My prayer goes to those who are in this situation. I commute from my house to the office without bumping in with traffic light though I bumped with traffic jam occasionally because of the road construction. I do not need long journey to get on my office. Sharing is caring and I share more at works which is good because it means I learn more as well. *Sengaja beberapa kalimat di paragraf ini pakai present tense, because I don’t want it to be in the past.* What else can I ask for life? Definitely a lot. But instead of feeling less, why don’t we fill our heart with gratitude?

I do hope 2018, beside me becoming a better human both mentally and spiritually, there will be more travelling to see the world and being grateful.

Love,

 

Pelangi sebelum Hujan

Beberapa hari yang lalu, aku menyadari ada banyak hal berputar di kepala yang membuatku merasa tidak ada jalan keluar untuk kulalui dari penat ini. Kecewa terhadap diriku sendiri. Padahal yang kubutuhkan hanyalah memperbanyak syukur. Melihat lebih banyak sisi positif daripada sisi negatif.

Mendung itu menggelayut di pelupuk mata. Hampir jebol pertahananku menahan air mata yang hendak jatuh. Sebelum itu terjadi, sekuat tenaga aku memutar balik kisah kisah indah dari masa laluku. Sekuat tenaga aku ingatkan bahwa aku jauh lebih kuat dari aku yang detik itu merasa lemah dan tak berdaya. Hal hal yang biasanya mudah untuk dilakukan ketika aku menyemangati orang lain namun terasa sulit ketika pertahanan ku hampir jebol. Momen dimana hal hal mengharukan tiba tiba datang mengetuk pintu minta diijinkan untuk masuk di saat aku belum siap menerima tamu.

~~~~~

Sore itu, di tengah tengah kalutnya pemikiran dalam perjalanan pulang, di tengah tengah mendungnya hati ini. Allah mendatangkan pelangi. Pelangi yang sungguh indah dan sempurna di bawah kaki bukit saat orang orang pulang ke peristirahatannya menanti malam, menutup mata sejenak. Kupelankan kendaraan ku sambil turun ke kaki bukit. Hujan bahkan tak turun saat itu. Hanya gerimis kecil selama beberapa menit yang menghilang ketika matahari muncul untuk membuat pelangi menjadi nyata.

Aku senang mengartikan pertanda yang dikirim alam. Dan aku menyakini tafsir ala kadarku itu yang seringkali aku bentuk agar selalu berpikiran positif. Bagiku, sore itu Allah ingin menyampaikan betapa segala hal telah dijaminkan olehNya. Kunfayakun. Hanya dengan mengucap Kun semuanya mungkin bagiNya. Kita, makhluknya hanya perlu untuk “mendengar dan patuh”. Seperti kata seorang kakak, “Kamu tidak perlu membebankan segala hal yang tidak bisa kamu urus padamu. Bebankan saja pada Allah.” Ya, dia benar. Karena aku hanyalah makhluk biasa yang diharuskan untuk memohon segalaNya padaNya.

Dalam Dekapan Ukhuwah.

Dalam dekapan ukhuwah, kami saling mengingatkan mana yang baik dan buruk agar kita senantiasa bersama, tak hanya di dunia namun juga di akhirat.

Dalam dekapan ukhuwah, kita saling menyeru untuk melaksanakan sunnahnya dan menjauhi larangannya agar bersama terhindar dari api neraka.

Dalam dekapan ukhuwah, kami saling mencintai karena Nya.

Dalam dekapan ukhuwah, diriku merasakan Cinta-Nya karena mereka.

Terinspirasi dari tulisan Ustadz Salim dari bukunya yang berjudul “Dalam Dekapan Ukhuwah”.

Dan sungguh, bersama segalanya menjadi lebih mudah. 🙂

Di sore hari yang mendung.