What is life if without happiness?
What is life without someone you love?
What is life without a cup of tea?
What is life without you by my side?
What is life without prayer?
What is life without belief?
What is life without spirit?
What is a life that I cannot see a whole you?
What is life if you are no longer in the same dimension as me?
A loss is unavoidable.
I need a higher level of understanding. As long as you live, there might be better for me compared to the fact if you are nowhere to be found in this world. Yes, people might be consoling my heart by saying, “you can still find him in your heart, he is there.”
Yes, you are. But it’s hard for me still. I am sitting in the fence between two possibilities, in which it is impossible, “I wish I never had you” and “Thank you for being the love of my life”. You are gone but not forgotten.
A loss is never easy. I wish I prepare it better, but not this soon. Whatever it is, His will is far better than mine. All I ask is a strong heart to bear the truth that you are no longer here, being my baby.
*This morning, my neighbour passed away. He was in elementary school. As I interacted with him, he was such a lovable kid. Still vividly remember from my mom story about him being upset. He came to my house and reported our rooster that hurt his rooster in his head until bleeding whilst brought his rooster.
I am speechless. This is so close. In a time like this, we wish we can do more, spending more time, seeing more laugh, telling stories, caressing with more love we wish we could give. Well, we always can’t get enough of loving someone. We, for sure, would like to cherish every moment. There is no such less love, it is just more than enough. We already did the best.
Yes, this writing is dedicated to him.